The remorse builds inside as the hearts break all around sweet family and friends. It was 2001 in a small home town of Highland, IN. It felt like prom night but it was Halloween night. The night led on without an end. Maybe it was a blackout. There is no recollection ofl the stages that led up to a conscious surrounding of a dim room with one window on the fifth or sixth level of a hospital.
The only concern was for the driver. One shaved head and two surgeries later and crawling to get out of that place; eight years is what it took to be grateful to be alive. Sorting out the choices made is another chapter. Considering having written this paragraph several times in the past eight year, wouldn't it make it easier to get to the next line? Maybe not. Another year to decide which audience to keep in mind for the next few lines is a good start whether it be the injured, the driving and drinking people, or for those who love all the above.
Ten years later sitting with a group of adolescents who have their whole lives ahead of them tired and hungover from the night before and throwing up during the meeting, acting up in all kind of bizarre ways was something of a wake up call. Time was passing by. The message that I got was clear as day light that I if I was going to do one thing right with this group of youths then it would be to set an example for them, it was the least I could do a during that year.
As talks of partying, late night boozing, and just youths being youths became more and more conversation habit it became further from entertaining or just a bunch of youths having fun, it became a concern that was growing. And soon enough I was listening to youths just over twenty well one youth who was having a birthday party for his twenty first birthday. The next time I seen him he had dyed his hair another color and I could only be there. When you feel for these kids that is what you can do, be there for them and hope that they are safe and smarter than you imagine as you see bruises and wounds that they can't remember themselves from nights out drinking.
When I was twenty three I told myself I would continue to drink until I was thirty in which was the year I would have a baby and get married. There was a deal I made with my self that I kept, except for the baby and marriage part though. At twenty I was drinking my first drinks of gin and orange juice, and wine coolers every day.
After I turned twenty one I began to drink fruity alcohols in lavish restaurants and in fancy little glasses with stems. My parents were so proud of my college studying and grades that they gave me extra spending money after books and class supplies were spent. That money went to bottles of gin, whiskey red and black labels, fruit filled vodkas with trendy labels, and last but not least cigarettes.
When the pressures of balancing classes and getting a job came into action my partying escalated as my way of celebrating at the bars or in the garages of the party. When the pressure of school work, tests, deadlines, work hours, and having time for family and friends became more common so did the drinking. When I drank it cooled things down, it made me forget the failed tests, the impossible deadlines of homework, the future plans becoming a graduate, the best employee, girlfriend, friend, sister, and daughter, anything that you wanted.
When I sat at my first day of my job at a travel agency hangovers were normal, pounding headaches, and late night drinking at the local bars were what I thought the only thing I had left after my break up with my college sweet heart, my high school sweet heart, and getting fired from different jobs in retail. Drinking was my escape from what I wasn’t doing like getting better grades and doing what it takes to keep relationships because I was told and took it the wrong way, that “the sky is the limit, and the grass is greener on the other side. I was told that I was young and had my whole life ahead of me and not to settle for second best.
Feeling like I wasn’t doing that bad at my grades, and was going on dates before settling down and trying new things and having fun that drinking wasn’t my problem. I was never a quitter of things and school was one thing I put all my effort and time in and my boyfriend. My parents were very busy trying to get my sister on her feet from her troubles and I kept my nose out of trouble with them. My drinking never seemed out of order, and I was a good student, girlfriend, daughter, employee, friend, and at the time it didn’t matter until in 2001 of October I had a drinking and driving accident. The driver was careless and we were both partying too hard at a wedding and then for Halloween at a handful of costume parties.
My family and very close friends warned me as much as they could, and then that night on our way home from just another romantic night in my mind we were both very drunk and caught up in all the fun and celebration and he hit a tree. I never thought that for a moment I could be out of control or disorderly in any way until that night in a hospital bed. All my studying, dreams of a future of getting married, having kids, graduating, working in my field of public management slowed down.
The injuries my body had at twenty one didn’t seem to matter because when I was told I was able to go home, I went back to my normal way of life. I dreamed of changing but I also knew things took time. When I was twenty three I told myself I would continue to drink until I was thirty in which was the year I would have a baby and get married. There was a deal I made with my self that I kept, except for the baby and marriage part though. At twenty I was drinking my first drinks of gin and orange juice, and wine coolers every day.
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